i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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