Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
