Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
