Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
