I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just want to make out with him forever
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
