I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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