I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
