I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
