we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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