Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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