Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
