she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize