i think i have two assholes
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We are all done wearing pants today
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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