There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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