weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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