I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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