My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i was born a porn star she said
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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