So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
