why didn't you poke me back
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
