please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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