I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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