So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize