we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
