I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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