I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
