I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
