dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
And then my night got REAL pukey
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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