I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
This house was built for laser tag.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
