Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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