Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
