Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
