Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
