just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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