Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
