You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
