She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
