i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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