I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
