Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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