i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
