i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
