Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
