so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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