eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
