I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
