Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
