Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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