I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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