you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
