You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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