My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
