I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
