Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dignity is for republicans.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Found your dick twin last night
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
