There is no way he is gay with that hair.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
