Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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