My nipple is on Facebook.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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