Dude my mom stole all your condoms
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize