please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
