not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
