I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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