they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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