Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
