Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
