we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
