Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize