census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
