Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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