so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
