Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
