Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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