I wish I could teleport
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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