Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
