Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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