I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
God, I missed his penis.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
