Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize