Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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