Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize