Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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