; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize