he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
