I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I need to sanitize my soul.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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