Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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