I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
