and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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