I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
