I am puke
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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