God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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