she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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