Who did Billy Mays play for?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
