READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
