there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
