matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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