Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my sisters under your porch take her home
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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