idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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