id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
