Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
