I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
