She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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