kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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