I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
