Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
handjob tips. give me some.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
