the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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