big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
