i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My balls are so social today.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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