Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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