Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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