i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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