so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
