atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize