I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
