He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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