He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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