hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
